Most chronic, invisible diseases are like an iceberg. Even once you think you’ve got a complete picture of the shape of the monster, you haven’t seen the largest, scariest part. CF isn’t something that just flares up sometimes and lets you live your life the rest of the time; it’s also not something that can be solved by living a healthy lifestyle. Some CFers may prolong the inevitable through exercise, organic veggies, and meditation—but regardless, the disease will have its day. There’s no beating CF, no remission, no prevention, no cure. It seeps into every second of every day of your life and dictates every decision you make, from work to relationships and everything in between.
If you’re lucky enough to find yourself in a supportive relationship as a CF patient, you’ll see that your disease drives most of the major decisions you make as a couple. You and your partner will make decisions about jobs, money, home, children, pets, vacation, and just about everything else by accounting for CF.
Love is a precious and unexpected gift in the midst of the CF trials. Knowing you aren’t alone makes all the difference in the world. And when the right person comes along, they not only give you a reason to fight all the harder but help you with all of the many everyday tasks required to stay healthy and breathing. I was blessed to find Marissa, an unbelievable loving, caring, prepared woman who carries my heart, gives me hope, and takes care of me when I need the extra help.
Though it may seem impossible, CF has a positive influence. You learn to ignore the unimportant stuff and the judgment of “successful” couples and let go of visions of a “perfect” family. All of the decisions that other couples make easily become major turning points for a couple affected by CF, so we put a lot of thought, planning, communication, and sharing into our choices. Honesty is a given because a lot of simple things can be life or death.
You spend a lot more time together than many young couples, because of a) you’re stuck in one place doing treatments/at the hospital/tethered to your oxygen, and b) you’ve learned to truly appreciate the time you have together.
Every day is a reminder of life’s fragility, between the infections, hemoptysis, and gasping for air during vicious coughing spells. Having to consider the implications of an incurable fatal disease also forces you to recognize and be grateful for the time you have together.
“Love is a precious and unexpected gift in the midst of the CF trials. Knowing you aren’t alone makes all the difference in the world.” – Eric